那就活在面具後面一輩子吧

已經蠻久沒用中文來寫些什麽了. 這篇就用中文來寫吧~

虛僞, 這個議題我覺得我已經寫過很多遍了. 這次無聊起來, 就再來講幾句吧.

著一排, 不, 應該說一直以來, 我總是在某些社交網站看都很多對某些人或事物的正面篇章, 評語跟留言. 其實這也不是第一次的吧, 可這些東東跟我平時說看到聽到的, 不太一樣. 甚至可以這麽說, 寫這些留言跟評語的人, 寫的很"痛". 爲什麽呢? 某些人, 可能你會覺得他/她並沒什麽優點之類的... 好啦好啦, 就當他/她的優點比較難被人發現啦 (沒優點也未免太可憐了吧?). 在興的時候, 或有那個必要討好對方的時候, 或甚至在某些不懂什麽情況下, 你會看到某些很勉強的留言. 例子就別提啦, 要不然就說我在針對某某人. 可當你看到某些留言會讓你覺得 "哇噻, 亂扯得吧?" 或 "這也算優點... 無言了" 的時候, 嗯嗯, 就是那種感覺. 真的啦, 如果想不到就別講啦. 靠, 又沒人說你是啞巴... 爲什麽總得講點什麽的呢? 那麽硬來, 未免有點太假了吧?

所真的, 這也還好啦. 有時候你會看到在某網站上, 某某跟某某看來聊得很好的, 然後再背後就會聼到前者或後者說 "其實我恨死他/她了" 或 "他/她好虛僞哦". 拜托, 是你自己虛僞吧?! 如果你真的跟他/她那麽好, 幹嗎再背後又說東說西的呢? 還是其實你暗戀他/她吧? 還是這是你的習慣? 轉過頭又會開始說我虛僞死了或臭屁死了還是什麽? 真的不喜歡他/她, 就別和對方講這麽多鳥話啦...

還有一些更奇怪的. 有某些人跟我講話的時候, 會用幾種不同的語調的... 比方説, 用某組織的身份來講話的時候, 就會用很柔和的語調. 用朋友的身份來拜托我做事的時候, 就會用比較普通, 或平凡的語調. 如果是來講八卦的話, 哼, 什麽粗口都會來的猛了! 別以爲在網上聊天就不會發生哦. 如果用英文就代表是公事, 如果用中文就代表私事. 靠... 我服了. 我跟同一個人都是用同一種語調的. 當然, 陌生人就會柔和一點, 朋友就會隨和點. 可同一個人, 不同情況用不同語調... 有那麽一個必要嗎?

其實網上世界還算好了點, 最起碼你可以想一想再回復. 真實中的談話, 嘩, 就真的好像玩電玩一樣了. 有時候, 某人會跟你說 "某某說的當然不對啦, 他/她也只想利用你而已! 別上當啊!" 其實這句話可能會是跟你說的那個人在利用你, 而不是話裏的那個. 想想看, 如果你覺得跟你說這句的人說得對, 而開始討厭某人, 或對他/她開始有避忌, 那說那句話的人就得逞了啊. 其實這招蠻賤的, 雖然我還沒需要用到這種話語, 可我也看得出很多人在我身上用過這門玩兒. 唉, 算了. 人生本來就是一場虛僞的面具遊戲. 辛好的是, 它只是一場而已. 不辛德是, 你死的那天, 它才會結束...

還記得以前老爸曾經說過 "你可不可以別在別人面前校正我?" 我老媽也整天說 "如果我殺了人, 上到法庭, 你就一開口就說 '對啊, 我老媽殺了人', 那我就完蛋了! 所以你要學聰明一點, 別什麽實話都說出來." 其實有時候我也會覺得受過這種教育, 會是我人生中的一個缺陷吧? 不懂啦. 可能我父母一向來的生存模式就是把身邊所有人都矇騙過去, 才會覺得自己會收尊重, 才會覺得自己這一切會有意義吧. 可我始終認爲, 錯就要認, 錯就要站定. 就當那是一種反面教育吧?

有很多時候會覺得身邊的人的記性都很差. 説的不是名字. 我說的是事情跟說過的話語. 很多時候很多人會不記得自己以前說過什麽話, 做過什麽事 (別想歪了). 當然, 有好幾次我自己都會扮著自己不記得. 可那也是一兩次而已, 也是爲了逃避某些比較麻煩或個人的問題啦. 可很多時候很多人都會對自己以前做過的說過的都忘記了. 其實原因很簡單, 因爲他們其實是, 一, 在吹牛, 二,說得很輕, 三, 沒責任感. 如果你覺得某些内容有意義或重要的話, 其實你是不會把它給忘掉的. 會把某些回憶給忘掉, 那只能證明那内容已經不再重要了. 我個人就別説了 (也已經說過了), 可身邊的人, 真的好善忘哦...

其實, 若其要我帶著面具來做人, 我真的寧可什麽都不說. 所以很多時候你會看到我保持沉默. 有些人說我很冷酷. 無所謂啦, 什麽都好. 能做自己, 沒枷鎖地活著, 不好嗎?

Keep your comments to yourself? Nah, they cant...

There's once a lecturer who said that talking to a cab driver is the best way to have a grasp of how the society a place is. Maybe it's true, but I found another little way, though might not be as convenient or whatsoever - listening to people's conversation in a restaurant or eat house (whatsoever you call those). Yea, that's more or less eavesdropping, but it's nothing illegal nonetheless. You cant possibly shut yourself when people sitting behind you starts to babble, right?

Anyway, yep, I entered one of those lower class restaurant for lunch today and people started commenting on recent news (or has been). Well, let's not go any further than what I've observed for now. Hmmm, most of them are not concerned of the responsibility of whatever came out of their month as they seems to go "of course it's true" and "I'd have done a much better job" pretty often. They tend to sprout some information so as to amaze others "did you know ... ...", though most of those are pretty trivial. Most of their analysis on stuff aren't really in depth as they stop right after "of course it's true" or "because it's better/he'll do a better job". Oh and vulgarity was an essential =P (yea, vulgarity bombardment occurs once every two minutes. Hell...).

And a little analysis? To being with, my guess is that they are at the foundation level of the social hierarchy - construction workers, drivers, market vendors and stuff. Why? Well, first of all, they didn't really put much of a thought on the issues that they talked about. They don't really care about what they say as long as it's dynamic, and that they can amuse the person beside, and the person next to him. Those kinda things you'll turn into screensaver mode when you hear it. Yep, most likely. And the way and content they spoke of. It's kind of interesting but it seems, like at least to me, that they are reciting from newspaper articles. And when you add those vulgarity and mix them up altogether, ya know what I mean, right?

Still, it's interesting to listen to these babbles once in a while. It's not that I like it or what, but you get a feel of the society, of how things works and of how people relates to each other. What capture their interest and what their social focuses are at. Maybe it's just me, but somehow I feel that listening to a group of coolies talk can be more informative than reaching one textbook on society.

But yea, I prefer to stick to my own little corner and observe. As for the comments, who cares? =)

If you can't change them, and if you refuse to join them... what next?

When something happens (something small, something epic, whatsoever), you'll start noticing a lot of messages, taglines and, sometimes uncanny, words that appears over various internet interfaces such as forums, blogs, and social websites. I guess as the multimedia develops, more and more people want to have a say in things around them. The context, too, varies. From individual events such as birthdays, to social events such as exams and gatherings, and to nationwide or even worldwide events, people will comment on whatsoever they feel like. It's hard to miss them, especially when you log on to various platforms such as msn and facebook and start seeing messages from a same category of people commenting on one common aspect of things, you'll know something has happened. The thing is, they are all too obvious to be missed.

Of course, I get it. Everyone wants to have their say, to the public and, if not, their friends and amongst their social circle. Expressionism is one major aspect of post-modernism and it's only natural that everyone wants to have a share of the pie. But then and again, it's only through these kinda events that you can get a better understanding of the people around you. Those who posts hell lots of comments, and tries to comment on each and everyone's comments (chain reaction, eh?). Those who watches in silence except for a few clicks on "like" buttons. Those who spam in forums under a name that no one knows. Those who sit back and watches as the world go round (that'll be yours truly =D). And of course, theres those who post a comment, saying "who the F*** cares" and calls it a day.

Yea, I don't really like to comment on stuff. I'm the type who usually keeps my comments to myself, though I'll be happy to bombard some if you ask =D. Anyway, theres only two probable outcomes of such taglines and stuff. Either you agree with the flow, or you disagree. Well, if you agree, it's be a stereotypical way of commenting on the same event like the whole world does. Maybe you can apply a wit or two, but thats all. And then maybe some others will agree with you and, ya, end of story. And if you disagree, ho ho ho, people like me will be happy cause it's show time =D (sorry, im being a bit cynical here, for humor's sake, trust me). A heated debate will start and people will be bombarding comments here and there. Well, maybe there'll be attacks, vulgarities, and maybe people will dig into your background, info, bla bla bla. Still, that's what happens. Oh and maybe the little facade of the internet can shield you. Maybe, but then and again, watch what you say. It's better for your health.

Still, I'll stick to my fence. No comments, no likes or dislikes. Just watch as the days rot by.

A little preview

Well well, as you all know, I've been writing some kinda script for school. Handed it in, and the feedback was that its too long. It's not really much of a problem 'cause I simply removed a scene from it. Guess everything good will come to an end, eh? I'm not saying that its good (it's not, trust me), but still, it's kinda said that no one can see it on stage.

Anyway, here's the deleted scene:


Act 2 – Family Boot Camp

Scene 1

Characters – Cecil, Examiner (voice)
Location – Examiner’s office

Examiner: Mmmm… Interesting. So your father’s job is something real special. What about your mother? Does she work?

Cecil: No. My mother is a full time housewife.

Examiner: So she is a normal housewife, right?

Cecil: Well. I won’t exactly call it normal, because it feels like Military Boot Camp at home, and I mean it literally.

Examiner (flat): … boot camp…

[Fade to black – end of scene 1]

Scene 2

Characters – Ian, Cecil, Patricia, Archie
Location – Joester household

[Alarm clock rings. Patricia enters]

Patricia (Shouts): Alright guys, [bangs frying pan twice with spatula] rise and shine!

[Ian enters]

Ian (sleepily): What is it, dear? What time is it …. What? Five-fifteen in the morning?!

Patricia: And I let you sleep in for fifteen minutes today. Aren’t I kind or something? Now, honey, go wash up.

Ian: But, dear, I just came back from Shanghai at 12 last night! And Why do we have to wake up so early every morning?

Patricia: So that you can bring those two for morning jogs. It’s for your health, so no more buts. Time to wash up. Now GO!

[Ian exits. Cecil and Archie enters]

Archie: [Yawns] … What time is it? ... Five eighteen?!

Patricia: The early bird gets the worm …

Archie: But the second mouse gets the cheese! Besides, we are not birds and we don’t survive on worms. That’s just plain ludicrous.

Cecil: And it’s Saturday! We don’t have school, so why can’t we sleep in?

Patricia: But you have your morning jog. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about that.

Archie: But mom, we are surviving on 5 hours of sleep during the weekdays…

Patricia: So sleep earlier. Oh wait, whose turn is it to wash the bathroom, is it you Cecil, or is it Archie …

Cecil + Archie: Bye, mom!

[Patricia and Archie exits, Ian enters]

Ian: What’s wrong with them? They seemed eager to use the bathroom. Having the runs this early?

Patricia: You all ARE running in a moment, aren’t you?

Ian: You know what I mean.

Patricia: Of course. And what took you so long? You’ve used the bathroom 15 seconds longer than the previous day. Wait, dear, when was the last time that you have washed the bathroom? Today should be your turn … [Takes out a toothbrush]

Ian: Eh, eh… (Shouts) Guys, morning runs!

[Ian exits]

Patricia: Gosh, with this bunch of nincompoops, it sure is hard to keep the family running. [Sizzling sound] Ah! My scramble eggs!!!

[Patricia exits]

[Fade to black – End of Act 2]

Maybe its true...

A push cart lady in Flushing said this:

NYC is not hell, but it definitely is not heaven. To those coming from rural China, maybe it's heaven, but to those coming from coastal areas, it might be hell.

Well, maybe it's true. Just maybe.

No more Democracy!

I don’t know what you all think about democracy, but I really hope that things are stuck to the way it is in Hong Kong. I don’t want democracy because …

I don’t wanna feel like entering a sauna parlor whenever I try to take the subway.
I don’t wanna pay 2 bucks for a subway trip that last either one stop or 20.
I don’t wanna see heaps and heaps of trash on the street, be it night or day.
I don’t wanna pay extra tax whenever I try to get a bottle of water
I don’t wanna pay 10% of “tips” when it’s actually service charge and it’s not on the recipe
And I definitely don’t wanna wait till everyone votes to get a bridge built.

Time froze?

When I went on top of the Empire building yesterday, I said that I really liked the ornaments and design of the building cause it’s in 60’s/70’s theme, and that reminds me of rapture from Bioshock. Today, I wish I’ve never said that…

Okay, now I’m sitting in hell of a small hotel room – Pennsylvania Hotel. It’s 80 years old and I felt that time has frozen since then in this little hell hole. The bathroom’s utilities look like they’re at least 50. Okay, so the room is smaller than normal, but since it’s near Time Square, I’ll pass on the complaints. And then there’s the door. The doors of every room has a piece of arced wood glued onto it, and it looks like a casket cover (size, shape, material, everything). AND YOU BLOODY HELL NEED TO PAY FOR THE WIFI!!! Yea, so if you’re reading this, it’s written a few days ago and by the time this has been uploaded, I should be back in Hong Kong. Oh well, a few days of internetlessness is alright with me (what kinda word is that …).

And then there’s the subway. I walked in and the first thing I realized is not the messy layout or the ridiculous way to read the lines, but is that there’s bloody hell no aircon in the platforms. That means when you’re waiting for the train, it’s sauna time. Right, even if I can’t have dimsum in NY, I can still feel like one. Great. Oh and why the hell do I have to walk from one end to the other on some platform to reach the other platform after a few flights of stairs and a few turns, to find that I have to walk from start to end in another platform before I can reach the one I’m aiming for??? Really… which idiot is the engineer? He need to understand what the hell it meant by commuting. And then there’s the trains, they look like some steel product from the 50’s, enough said.

China town is worse. Everything looks like it’s from the pre-WWII period (30’s and 40’s). Shop houses with two to three stories. Loads of trash and deformed stuff and things… If Mcdonald food doesn’t have that hella many addictives and MSGs, I wont even want to go back to that Chinatown or what crap again.

Time really froze here… and for the first time, I wanna go back to Hong Kong or Singapore…

What does the tag says?

Alright, so this hit and run tour brings me to Washinton (yea, hit and run because its 8 cities/2 countries in 6 days... on coach!). So whats there to do in this world class capital? Washinton Memorial! Ya, thats more or less the only attraction that I'm interested in. I'm not really giving much of a care about other stuffs, because there really isn't much affliation which I can show. Oh right, if you ever have played or heard of the game Fallout 3, you'll know what I'm talking about. It's post-apocalyptia there, and it's pre-apocalyptia now (well, i hope this apocalyptia doesn't come =D).

Yap, nothing much to do or think. I think I've jumped over fences for like 10 times in a row. Feels kinda weird, and hell I'm glad I didn't trip or anything. Nothing special or anything, apart from taking photos in a hit and run style, though I doubt that is anything worth mentioning at all. Anyway, somehow, I seemed to carry an invisible sign or tag saying that I am a "photographer" or whatsoever. Somehow people kept coming to me and ask me for a click. First is this weird chinese couple in the museum of natural hist (weird because they spoke English when I definitely look like Chinese because I am one -_- duh) and their phone camera. Then after that there's these dudes in the capitol. One with a camera who didn't even bother to check, and another with a cellphone, a pretty old motorolla model. Then there's these dudes outside Lincoln Memorial, who wanted photos of the Washinton Memorial. Theres this couple who actually commented on the photo saying that it's something that "money cannot buy" when I walked away. That made my day, really, or maybe week.

But then I somehow was late for the coach and they almost got fined for it... almost.

Because I won't be bothered when I get back

It's 1230 in the morning here. I wanna sleep, but I know I won't write crap when I really do sleep, so I guess I'll just type a few words here, just to keep a piece of my mind floating in the cyberspace. Hmmm, 4th pitstop in Northern America, and that brings me to Toronto (reminds me of someone O.O). First, a big thankyou to Martin who said "What the f**k are you doing there?". "Not f**king". (duh) Anyway, yep, I'll keep it short for the sake of it.

Like what I've suspected, the most time I've spent on in this trip is "coaching" (not the handbag brand, the tourbus). I think I've spent more time in that darn coach than sleeping or anything else. Watched two movies in one single bus trip, and that went on for 2 days. And I managed to clear Paul Auster's Leviathan, a leftover book from last year's Lit and Art class. Glad I brought something to read, else it'll really be boring (dudes are sleeping, and they are sleeping more than me in the hotel, just like how my dad is snoring while I'm typing this little piece of junk). Yep, coach rides and on-bus movies are the best attraction, no doubt.

And have you ever seen a bunch of Chinese, walking in groups, taking a camera and clicking where ever they go? Too bad, I'm one of them. Look on the bright side though, I'm always the one behind the camera and never the focus of it. Not that I don't want to take a photo, but no one can take a proper photo here. I really can't bare looking at a piece of failed at, especially when I'm the subject (like hell anyone will look at it anyway =P). Oh well, I always go alone though, strayed off like a dog gone lose. I prefer to be alone, or at least with people that lives in the same orbit as me, and not a bunch of old farts (sorry, but that's true). But hey, it's not THAT bad, cause theres an auntie who commented on my photography and asked me to teach her how to take photos the way I do with a digital camera. Of course the photo I took is better, cause I always kneel down while I do. I mean, if a dude confesses to his girlfriend and asked her to marry him, do you think he'll do better kneeling down or standing? Get my drift? Good.

Well well well.... What kinda situation I have gotten my darn self into. I don't mind looking at new places. In fact, I like going overseas and stuff, but can I not do it in a tour? The amount of English I've spoken since I've landed is less than this paragraph itself (I'll try and end ASAP). It's not like I wanna make friends with stranger or whatsoever, but hey, I want to feel the city, the heartbeat of the metropolis, and not take pictures of churches-turned-attractions... and with a bunch of China dudes and their cameras...

I hope its true, my hope is not

Ok so the guy who said he hates travelling is finally in New York. Fine, I accept it. I was dragged here, against the will of my own being. Anyway, it looks like things isn't really happening according to whatsoever I have pictured in my mind.

First off, while boarding the bus to the Airport in HK, I dragged my luggage on board just to realized that the whole bus had their luggage lie flat on the racks and I had no room for mine. What to do? Leave it there? I tried, but the driver said it will roll over. I sweared. Oh well, finally i stacked it on top of someone's luggage. Screw them, its their own darn fault for all these crap.

Then its the flight, my first 15 hour long distance flight. Pretty okay, except for the fact that its freezing when they are going through Antarctica and that I was able to sleep for like half an hour. I rather stick at home.

Then comes the immigration checkpoints or whatsoeveryoucallit. The lady asked "What are you here for?" "travelling (duh?)" "How many days are you staying" "Somewhat 2 weeks? (depends on how u count it, lady)" Then she asked "How many people are with you?" "I'm on a tour and I'm not sure" "What? Bla bla bla .... " I tried to get the tour guide, but she said forget it. Hope her name is not Camille.

K, so we're out. New Jersey, Newark. I don't know about everything but it seems that New Jersey is populated by black, and I'm sure it not part of New York (the tour guide told us that, screw him). Then that tour guide dude took us to a mall or something. Great, finally can have a stroll. Well, it's not your typical shopping center in Hong Kong cause it seems like they selling nothing but clothes, and almost everything has the word "made in China" printed on it. God bless China~!

First meal in US ... Burger King! Want my comment? ---> You won't see me ever eating it again when I'm in my right mind! Ya, thats it. Ok, the drink is pretty alright and its free flow (nothing suprising here). I got a chicken sandwich. What should I say ... its the same size as those in Singapore and Hong Kong for the starters. The chicken is ... it taste like some kinda hard boiled pork or something that is tossed into the bbq pit for a while. Yep, thats basically the taste. Hard and burnt on the outside. tasteless on the inside. I gave up after eating half of it.