2009年8月31日星期一

Childhood...?

Just wondering, did I ever write about my kiddie days? I don't mean the days when I'm an idiot for no reason or whatsoever. I mean the days of my primary school and stuff. I guess I didn't talk much about my primary school days, eh? Oh well, perhaps I really should write a bit on that.

Hmm... where should I start? Maybe I'll start with my living environment. First and foremost, my dad has two apartments, all thanks to my mom. One of it is in Kowloon, and the other, Southern Hong Kong island, beside my school. So I will mostly be talking about the one in Hong Kong isle, cause I've stayed there for at least 5 days a week. Yea... Well, anyway, I have never considered myself someone who lived in poverty or something, and I will get lectures from my dad if I ever mention something like that. But the thing is, my living environment during my primary school days is ... well ... lacking. A lot of typical metropolis sophistication, such as electronic gadgets, cannot be found in my home. Well, my primary school days lasted from somewhere mid 90's to the end of 90's, so during that era, it's quite typical for families to have some sort of entertainment and domestic electronics at home. Not my case. Alright, lets count what's there in the apartment which I lived in. Fridge... Radio... Telephone... some books in simplified Chinese which my mom got from some sales .... and basically that's it. It's true, there's no television, no computer, no comics, no toys...

It's not that bad, cause I still have a telephone (in the living room) and a radio. Yea, so basically, each night, apart from some dull and dry and travail homework, its radio tune-ins. The reason my mom gave me (and my dad to a certain extend) for not installing a TV is cause it will distract my studies (and for heaven's sake my age was like single digit then). As for comics, its bad for my eyes (but I have close to 900 degrees myopia now ... so its ineffective after all) and it will distract my studies as well. And toys, well, seriously I don't remember the reason for throwing away my toys ... ah yes, cause they will affect my studies as well (recycling of the same o' lame of an excuse...) I used to have a game boy, those big and old and black and white ones, but my mom threw it away cause, again, it will affect my studies. Strange enough, my grades aren't all that great in class. I'm always near the bottom in terms of class positioning. My grades started to improve only during the later years of my secondary schooling, of which I had my own comp, comics, toys (well, not much then), and television of course. So what does all these banning and restriction do? Well, to make my life as freaking miserable as possible.

Things aren't really that better in class. The thing is, I used to cry a lot. And I mean A LOT. Erm... typically once per every other day? This kind of habit left only after I reach junior college (which is like secondary 5/Pre-U 1). Well, I admit it, people don't like dudes who cry (as if I can help it), so people normally pick on me simply for the sake of it. I won't hold grudges cause it's pointless, but hey, all that I can say is, that's life. Seriously, my childhood reminds me of Nobita from Doraemon. A dude who always cries, always being picked on, and screws up almost every other thing he tries to do. Blehx, sounding kinda pessimistic here, eh?

Anyway, yea, the world is unfair. It always is and it will always be. Nevertheless, when it's unfair, why was it biased against me? WAS, and I'm not complaining about anything current, though I still believe that things can be fairer...

2009年8月27日星期四

:-)

已經不是工程學係的學生了。看著那班(算是)舊同學在趕他們的畢業專題作業時,心裏真的有一種感概,跟一絲的悲哀。他們真的挺努力的。趕工的趕工,採購的採購,找資料的找資料(也有一兩個頽廢的頽廢)。眼看他們就要畢業了,這幾天都會聯想到爲什麽我會浪費多一年的時間來追求別的學科。

說實話,我會堅持轉科是有我的原因的,而肯定不止一個。我會常常跟人說不喜歡或不想讀來做藉口。對,是藉口。皆因原因實在太多了,多到我自己都記不起某些。其實,我的確是對這一門學科沒有興趣,可這也並不代表著我的執著和我的爛成績。

其實我很討厭數學。一來我自己不喜歡那種埋頭苦幹的東西。自從高考以來,我就明白到數學是一定要埋頭苦幹的,而當你閉關修行的時候,你真的會與世隔絕。這感覺真的很爛。可這不是唯一不喜歡數學的原因。其實,可能我說出來會每人相信,可我真的,真的,真的很討厭抄功課。還記得有一次在小學的時候我抄了一次功課,就那一次。被老師發現了。老師沒有罵我,而是帶著一種悲哀的語氣對我說:“我寧可你跟我講你沒有做,我也不想你抄功課。”說完,她就走了,也沒有罰我什麽。真的,這種語氣和這句話真的會烙印在心裏。所以從中一開始我就沒抄過功課了。中學還好啦,看見別人抄功課,還是別人問自己拿功課來抄的時候,我都無所謂的。因爲反正他們的功課,就算是交了,也不會影響到會考跟高考的成績。他們不做事他們的問題,我也懶的理他們。可上了大學就不同了。所有功課都有算分的。我承認,我自己做的話我不確定我會拿到什麽樣的分數,甚至某些我真的不會做。可我身邊的人,全部還是一樣地抄,什麽都是抄。那些自私的傢伙就別提了,可全世界都是在抄功課。

有一次,當我見我的附屬教授的時候,我便跟他提起:“我不想讀工程了。全世界都是在抄功課。”然後那教授(名字就別提了)便跟我說:“對,他們的確是抄功課,這世上也不可能有一個制度可以壓制這些。但他們抄功課,最起碼他們及格,而你有嗎?” 這番話聼了之後,真的會覺得人生再也沒有什麽光彩了…… 嗯,還記得我進來這大學的時候第一志願是放化學,第二是放電腦科學的(好像只放了兩個)。至於爲什麽會給我電子,我就真的沒頭緒了。可因爲這教授所說的,我,真的,不想再讀跟數學或科學有關係的東西了……真的厭倦了。所以,第一年的時候,我便嘗試用我高考的成績來報讀港大,可最終都沒被錄取(因爲我已經是大學生了)。還記得有個朋友收到通知書,說只要高考兩個B就可以入港大社會科學學院了。當時我真的很想說:“若你進不了,讓給我吧,我夠,我夠分!” 算了,不是我的永遠都不會是我的。所以第二年的時候我便計劃了一些轉主修的計劃。

嗯,其實讀什麽真的是命運的安排跟作弄吧?一開始的時候,我真的沒想過我會想讀英文。文科呢,在新加坡給別人的感覺也是挺爛的吧?可來到香港就真的不同了。回想起在我校這幾年,真的,是運氣牽引著我。要不是那天剛好看到某科英文有位,要不是跟那教授談了一些,要不是那教授叫我再讀多一科,我,真的,可能也進不來這學係了。

2009年8月21日星期五

-.-

-.-
真的
我個blog好似死下死下咁
可能需要換下個theme吧?

2009年8月20日星期四

我似...?

前幾日同班小同聚了一聚
我同佢地講話我轉咗去讀文科
有人講 : 你個樣似係讀文科既人
我似...?
講真
我自己無權話我自己似咩
但若果要我話我自己似咩
我會話我似一個連大學都入唔到
似一個遊手好閒一無是處既人
點解?
似 唔代表示係
我似咩
其實係越奇怪越好
咁當我可以顯出否定那些論點既野既時候
我所霸佔的記憶碎片便會更大塊
=D

被tag了?

大家都應該知道facebook是何物了吧?
最近有某些相片
是什麽 不說了
有一堆 幾乎有我人頭的我都被tag了
至於另外一堆 幾乎所有人都被tag了 除了我

其實感覺蠻奇怪的
也可以說是挺矛盾的
第一堆 我好想說
哇靠 一個小白痴在那裏不懂幹嗎
做麽要tag我呢?
第二對 我也好像說
爲什麽全世界都被tag了
除了我
是我被遺忘了嗎?
還是... ?
嗯 還好吧
沒什麽特別感覺的
可能我是那種總是會對現狀不滿的人吧
若是把我遺忘了
最好這輩子我都聼不到你們的消息
那會好過一點
嗯嗯
有開始有點情緒化了
哈 不懂幹嗎
這一陣子都是這樣

2009年8月18日星期二

=/

我承認 我並非聰明 Mensa不應該收我
我承認 我脾氣很怪 會有朋友已經是奇跡
我承認 我知識淺薄 世界上有太多事我真的不懂
我承認 我野心很大 常常會設些無可能的目標
我承認 我喜歡裝酷 到頭來只會讓人更加討厭
我承認 我懶惰得很 努力只是一種愚蠢的掩飾
我承認 我語文不好 錯字錯詞錯文法總是與我圍繞
我承認 我是個白痴 做什麽都只會帶來麻煩



我 就是我

2009年8月16日星期日

Been long... ?

Been quite a while since I've written something here... two months to be exact =D Well, first of all, in case some of you didn't know, I'm studying literature. As for reasons being, talk to me in private if you want to know =D .... and for heaven's sake, stop calling me lit prof, I'm no where near that kinda standards........

Anyway, yea, got the feel of orientation. How retarded we have to be, well, I think I will leave it there. Did a module on Buddhism and, hell, I am pleading anyone who bothers to read this, don't ever take anything religious... a B for an essay based module... seriously.... And I hate cod...

Yep, thats bout it. Nothing much has gone on for the past months.