guitar~

Trying to pick up my guitar skills again
Got a replacement for the broken 5th string
Been HELL LONG since I've played
Its all back to zero...
and my fingers hurts (left hand) after a few hours of practice
...wth...

Childhood...?

Just wondering, did I ever write about my kiddie days? I don't mean the days when I'm an idiot for no reason or whatsoever. I mean the days of my primary school and stuff. I guess I didn't talk much about my primary school days, eh? Oh well, perhaps I really should write a bit on that.

Hmm... where should I start? Maybe I'll start with my living environment. First and foremost, my dad has two apartments, all thanks to my mom. One of it is in Kowloon, and the other, Southern Hong Kong island, beside my school. So I will mostly be talking about the one in Hong Kong isle, cause I've stayed there for at least 5 days a week. Yea... Well, anyway, I have never considered myself someone who lived in poverty or something, and I will get lectures from my dad if I ever mention something like that. But the thing is, my living environment during my primary school days is ... well ... lacking. A lot of typical metropolis sophistication, such as electronic gadgets, cannot be found in my home. Well, my primary school days lasted from somewhere mid 90's to the end of 90's, so during that era, it's quite typical for families to have some sort of entertainment and domestic electronics at home. Not my case. Alright, lets count what's there in the apartment which I lived in. Fridge... Radio... Telephone... some books in simplified Chinese which my mom got from some sales .... and basically that's it. It's true, there's no television, no computer, no comics, no toys...

It's not that bad, cause I still have a telephone (in the living room) and a radio. Yea, so basically, each night, apart from some dull and dry and travail homework, its radio tune-ins. The reason my mom gave me (and my dad to a certain extend) for not installing a TV is cause it will distract my studies (and for heaven's sake my age was like single digit then). As for comics, its bad for my eyes (but I have close to 900 degrees myopia now ... so its ineffective after all) and it will distract my studies as well. And toys, well, seriously I don't remember the reason for throwing away my toys ... ah yes, cause they will affect my studies as well (recycling of the same o' lame of an excuse...) I used to have a game boy, those big and old and black and white ones, but my mom threw it away cause, again, it will affect my studies. Strange enough, my grades aren't all that great in class. I'm always near the bottom in terms of class positioning. My grades started to improve only during the later years of my secondary schooling, of which I had my own comp, comics, toys (well, not much then), and television of course. So what does all these banning and restriction do? Well, to make my life as freaking miserable as possible.

Things aren't really that better in class. The thing is, I used to cry a lot. And I mean A LOT. Erm... typically once per every other day? This kind of habit left only after I reach junior college (which is like secondary 5/Pre-U 1). Well, I admit it, people don't like dudes who cry (as if I can help it), so people normally pick on me simply for the sake of it. I won't hold grudges cause it's pointless, but hey, all that I can say is, that's life. Seriously, my childhood reminds me of Nobita from Doraemon. A dude who always cries, always being picked on, and screws up almost every other thing he tries to do. Blehx, sounding kinda pessimistic here, eh?

Anyway, yea, the world is unfair. It always is and it will always be. Nevertheless, when it's unfair, why was it biased against me? WAS, and I'm not complaining about anything current, though I still believe that things can be fairer...

:-)

已經不是工程學係的學生了。看著那班（算是）舊同學在趕他們的畢業專題作業時，心裏真的有一種感概，跟一絲的悲哀。他們真的挺努力的。趕工的趕工，採購的採購，找資料的找資料（也有一兩個頽廢的頽廢）。眼看他們就要畢業了，這幾天都會聯想到爲什麽我會浪費多一年的時間來追求別的學科。

說實話，我會堅持轉科是有我的原因的，而肯定不止一個。我會常常跟人說不喜歡或不想讀來做藉口。對，是藉口。皆因原因實在太多了，多到我自己都記不起某些。其實，我的確是對這一門學科沒有興趣，可這也並不代表著我的執著和我的爛成績。

其實我很討厭數學。一來我自己不喜歡那種埋頭苦幹的東西。自從高考以來，我就明白到數學是一定要埋頭苦幹的，而當你閉關修行的時候，你真的會與世隔絕。這感覺真的很爛。可這不是唯一不喜歡數學的原因。其實，可能我說出來會每人相信，可我真的，真的，真的很討厭抄功課。還記得有一次在小學的時候我抄了一次功課，就那一次。被老師發現了。老師沒有罵我，而是帶著一種悲哀的語氣對我說：“我寧可你跟我講你沒有做，我也不想你抄功課。”說完，她就走了，也沒有罰我什麽。真的，這種語氣和這句話真的會烙印在心裏。所以從中一開始我就沒抄過功課了。中學還好啦，看見別人抄功課，還是別人問自己拿功課來抄的時候，我都無所謂的。因爲反正他們的功課，就算是交了，也不會影響到會考跟高考的成績。他們不做事他們的問題，我也懶的理他們。可上了大學就不同了。所有功課都有算分的。我承認，我自己做的話我不確定我會拿到什麽樣的分數，甚至某些我真的不會做。可我身邊的人，全部還是一樣地抄，什麽都是抄。那些自私的傢伙就別提了，可全世界都是在抄功課。

有一次，當我見我的附屬教授的時候，我便跟他提起：“我不想讀工程了。全世界都是在抄功課。”然後那教授（名字就別提了）便跟我說：“對，他們的確是抄功課，這世上也不可能有一個制度可以壓制這些。但他們抄功課，最起碼他們及格，而你有嗎？” 這番話聼了之後，真的會覺得人生再也沒有什麽光彩了…… 嗯，還記得我進來這大學的時候第一志願是放化學，第二是放電腦科學的（好像只放了兩個）。至於爲什麽會給我電子，我就真的沒頭緒了。可因爲這教授所說的，我，真的，不想再讀跟數學或科學有關係的東西了……真的厭倦了。所以，第一年的時候，我便嘗試用我高考的成績來報讀港大，可最終都沒被錄取（因爲我已經是大學生了）。還記得有個朋友收到通知書，說只要高考兩個B就可以入港大社會科學學院了。當時我真的很想說：“若你進不了，讓給我吧，我夠，我夠分！” 算了，不是我的永遠都不會是我的。所以第二年的時候我便計劃了一些轉主修的計劃。

嗯，其實讀什麽真的是命運的安排跟作弄吧？一開始的時候，我真的沒想過我會想讀英文。文科呢，在新加坡給別人的感覺也是挺爛的吧？可來到香港就真的不同了。回想起在我校這幾年，真的，是運氣牽引著我。要不是那天剛好看到某科英文有位，要不是跟那教授談了一些，要不是那教授叫我再讀多一科，我，真的，可能也進不來這學係了。

-.-

-.-
真的
我個blog好似死下死下咁
可能需要換下個theme吧?

我似...?

前幾日同班小同聚了一聚
我同佢地講話我轉咗去讀文科
有人講 : 你個樣似係讀文科既人
我似...?
講真
我自己無權話我自己似咩
但若果要我話我自己似咩
我會話我似一個連大學都入唔到
似一個遊手好閒一無是處既人
點解?
似 唔代表示係
我似咩
其實係越奇怪越好
咁當我可以顯出否定那些論點既野既時候
我所霸佔的記憶碎片便會更大塊
=D

被tag了?

大家都應該知道facebook是何物了吧?
最近有某些相片
是什麽 不說了
有一堆 幾乎有我人頭的我都被tag了
至於另外一堆 幾乎所有人都被tag了 除了我
嗯
其實感覺蠻奇怪的
也可以說是挺矛盾的
第一堆 我好想說
哇靠 一個小白痴在那裏不懂幹嗎
做麽要tag我呢?
第二對 我也好像說
爲什麽全世界都被tag了
除了我
是我被遺忘了嗎?
還是... ?
嗯 還好吧
沒什麽特別感覺的
可能我是那種總是會對現狀不滿的人吧
若是把我遺忘了
最好這輩子我都聼不到你們的消息
那會好過一點
嗯嗯
有開始有點情緒化了
哈 不懂幹嗎
這一陣子都是這樣

=/

我承認 我並非聰明 Mensa不應該收我
我承認 我脾氣很怪 會有朋友已經是奇跡
我承認 我知識淺薄 世界上有太多事我真的不懂
我承認 我野心很大 常常會設些無可能的目標
我承認 我喜歡裝酷 到頭來只會讓人更加討厭
我承認 我懶惰得很 努力只是一種愚蠢的掩飾
我承認 我語文不好 錯字錯詞錯文法總是與我圍繞
我承認 我是個白痴 做什麽都只會帶來麻煩

但

我 就是我

Been long... ?

Been quite a while since I've written something here... two months to be exact =D Well, first of all, in case some of you didn't know, I'm studying literature. As for reasons being, talk to me in private if you want to know =D .... and for heaven's sake, stop calling me lit prof, I'm no where near that kinda standards........

Anyway, yea, got the feel of orientation. How retarded we have to be, well, I think I will leave it there. Did a module on Buddhism and, hell, I am pleading anyone who bothers to read this, don't ever take anything religious... a B for an essay based module... seriously.... And I hate cod...

Yep, thats bout it. Nothing much has gone on for the past months.

Left 12 Dead

Most of you must have heard of the game Left 4 Dead. It's a simple co-operational game which 4 survivors, or players, are put up against a horde of zombies of various kinds. Simple? Well, here's the deal. The number of survivors are increased to various numbers such as 8, 12, 16 or more. Same map, same game, same guns. Nonetheless, it triples the number of survivors, triples the bullet, triples the amount of zombies and triples the fun. Maybe this sounds like some kind of world war 2 games, such as day of defeat, where the enemy now are zombies. Well, that's not exactly false, since the game is designed for 4 players cap, though now we have a chaotic rush of players from one safe room to another. Reminds you of the epic team fortress series. Oh and did I mention that most of these servers are in expert or advanced level? So it means that you'll have to watch out for friendly fire as well, and when tank comes, run like hell.

To search for custom servers, simply type "openserverbrowser" in console and filter the servers according to the amount of players inside/allowed. There are other special servers such as minigun mod (where u can build miniguns) and infinite ammo.

Players in the safe room (in spec)

War-like, eh?
One for all, all for one
When you are incapacitated, you are never alone
Climb climb climb~
A strong sense of Team fortress

This is what happens when a boomer burst

L4D vs KF

L4D = Left 4 Dead, KF = Killing Floor
Both of them are zombie killing games which can be found in Steam.

L4D: the most irritating sound comes from the pipe bomb, which draws zombies toward it.
KF: the most irritating sound comes from the trader, which sounds like a mistress in front of a brothel (no offense but it really sounds like it to me) and draws all the players toward her. (try not to look at the portrait and you'll get what I mean)

L4D: Either you must travel around (campaign, versus) or you are stuck at a puny map which, even if you move around, you hardly call it traveling
KF: Travel or camp, your choice

L4D: Free guns at certain spots
KF: from the trader: "guns don't grow on trees"

L4D: You have characters of different age, gender, race, occupation... it's a harmonious society~
KF: All military men. Who cares? We are here to kick zombie asses!

L4D: There are special infected and normal horde
KF: All infected are special

L4D: You have bots for your teammate if you don't have 4 human players. Every game is like a movie (rerun).
KF: No bot teammates. No movies or stories. Only your team and the zombies on the stage.

L4D: You don't have to care what's behind, it's the past.
KF: You weld your own doors and make your own maze.

L4D: USD $44.99
KF: USD $14.99

範

過幾個鐘又要考試了
不需準備
兩個小時
又是寫文
不懂爲什麽自從進了這間學校后就有一種對文章的興趣
啊~ 又想起那個某某某的通識 aka General Paper
繙了繙那本習題簿
看了看那些例文
噢~ 發現自己有很多想跟那作者鬥嘴的衝動哦
以前一直以爲他們寫得超好
現在突然覺得他們的觀念好老套 好舊 好悶
真的一點創意都沒有
拜托 這些應該是某某某老師寫的吧
自己突然默認了自己的想法比他們精彩和有創意多了
再繙了繙
真的很想罵自己笨呐...
爲什麽那麽簡單的科目我以前也可以考不好???
我以前的現實感應該跟現在大同小異哦
幹嗎以前每一次要寫文就好像世界末日似的呢
現在看見這些題目
這些例題
這些所謂的範文
真的覺得我又浪費了自己幾分鐘的時間了

開工啦~~~

有來到得開工的時候了~
久違的一切已經等得迫不及待了吧?
就讓這一次 最後一次
呈現我的能力與一切
實現對自己的約定
只不過這次我應該不會再上載某某某東西來讓大家欣賞了吧
還是沉默比較好~

言

有睇開老夫子既都應該會記得呢段對白吧

武松: 他們是我救命仙人!
大番薯: 我們不是仙人!
老夫子: 我們只是凡人!
武松: 可是我親眼看到法術!
老夫子: 我跟你解釋, 我們不是這個時代的人, 我們是你們的後代, 座一種機器來到現在... 你明白嗎?
武松: ???
老夫子: 也就是說... 我們是變出來的, 我們是遊客! 我們的時代用電力! 二十世紀就是你們的未來...
武松: ????
老夫子: 秦先生換你來説!
大番薯: 他們不會明白的! 我都不明白!
秦先生: 我? 我...
好啦! 我來同你講!
朋友! 我! 新時代人! 你! 舊時代人! 明白啦? 秦始皇你知道啦! 他比你舊! 我也姓秦! 但係無親戚關係! 哪! 劉邦, 唐明皇就比你們舊, 而你們有比我們舊, 再説乾隆他就比你們新, 當然我們比乾隆更新了... 我們呢! 係科學時代, 連五臟六腑都可以換新, 我們是新潮的產物! 流綫型的! 因爲新的東西很多... 我們就要上學學很多東西... 所以在學校就得上這些無聊的化學, 物理, 代數, 每次都打瞌睡, 每次都考一個又一個又圓又大的鴨蛋... 成績不好會找不到工作, 假如不會電腦根本像文盲一樣! 每天... 都要... 我們時代的人類要到月亮去訪問嫦娥! 在太空要發掘更多的資料! 爲了生存, 我們要坐火箭到宇宙去! 用極大的科學力量! 做出更好的... 魚蛋雲吞麵... 然後是狂牛症, 循環利息, 恐怖份子, 綁票勒贖, 臭氧層破洞, 生態破壞, 生化武器... ... 跟著彗星撞地球...
乒碰!
乒碰!
啪!
地球張嘴一笑
世界末日就到
然後就大吉利是!
(咚! 秦先生暈咗)

天

這幾天在忙著寫一篇關於否定神的文章
當然 我並非對任何宗教有什麽不滿
也並非對任何信仰有非自然的想法
不過有某些定論也許也蠻對的
首先 當死亡已經不再是恐懼的源頭
而死亡變成人生的一部分的時候
而向神明祈禱也沒用的時候
人們是否得繼續祈禱著呢?
而且當同伴逐一被惡勢力吞噬的時候
人們是否得繼續相信這這些與生存無關的信念呢?
死亡並不只是這些否定的源頭
如果這個世界上唯一存在著的只是虛無
如果仁義道德變成了生存的絆腳石
如果語言已經不能傳達人們的概念與理論
如果天擇與犧牲是生存的唯一道路
那信念又能做什麽呢

算了 太深奧了
連自己也搞不懂
也許很多人會講這些是上天給與人們的試驗
雖然奪取上百萬人的性命的測試也未免太過分了吧...
哦 剛剛看漫畫的時候也發現了幾句蠻有趣的話

"若果你是上帝製造的 那就是上帝對你的粗製濫造"
"你的聲音連上帝製造的雞也比不上啊!"

=D

題

上次那一篇文我用了死亡和不朽做題材
寫得不太好吧?
可能是因爲我對詩還有點恐懼和陌生
而且我還沒有讀過一字頭的科目呢
現在一跳就跳到三字頭的...
是我在玩弄自己
還是要挑戰自己的極限
我自己真的也搞不懂
也許這些文不能當作是比賽的吧
概念已經超越了我應有的水平了
所以這也不必講了
現在的問題也許只是要表達得更清楚
也得表達的更簡單
可是也不能從中變得單調
不是一朝一日能練出來的吧
嗯, 功力方面就這樣算了
至於題目方面我也想好了
就寫關於恐懼吧
用猶太文學來寫就最好不過了
大屠殺的恐懼或許只有他們才了解
與無原因的死亡的邊緣擦肩而過
也許那種感覺和經歷才能顯示出恐懼的真諦吧
唯一的問題就只是在於這篇文也得跟宗教有關
所以現在我應該去讀一讀聖經的舊約吧
唉... 讀完基督就得讀猶太, 下個學期還有佛學...
真的好像變成了在讀宗教...