2012年1月30日星期一

What people think of Chinese New Year holidays...





What my parents think of my Chinese New Year Holidays
 
What my Teachers think of my Chinese New Year Holidays


What I hope to be doing on my Chinese New Year Holidays

What I actually did during Chinese New Year
There goes my Chinese New Year... where're my red packet money?!

2012年1月28日星期六

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Everybody thinks we're really happy, but I am not. My Dad is always working... and when he's at home, he screams a lot. That really hurts me.

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Mom cries sometimes because she does not know what to do. Then she holds me telling about her unhappiness and problems.  It makes me feel very uncomfortable and strange. I really wish my dad would spend time with me instead of screaming and yelling.
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My uncle Pete comes over sometimes. He lives with us every now and then. He is really kind to me- holding me, listening to me and making me feel loved. One night when he was holding me, he started touching my private parts. Over time he taught me to touch and play with his. It felt very strange, scary and a little good to. He told me it was OK, that this means he really loves me. This went on for several months. He told me “This is our special secret”.
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Mom and Dad would fight. I thought they did not love me. Maybe they fought because of me. When I became a teenager, I started feeling really different from the other guys. Some of them called me names like “[censored]”, “[censored]”, “[censored]”, “[censored]”.  I did not know what they meant.
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After a while, I went to a counselor for help and advice. I told him my story and that I thought I was gay. He said I wasn’t gay. I just missed my Dad’s love and was taught wrong things by my uncle.
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He said it was very bad, what my uncle did to me. He should never have touched my private parts, or have me play eith his. The counselor said it wasn’t my fault, that my uncle took advantage of my need for Dad’s love. He explained that because I didn’t experience affection.
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He said he also would contact uncle Pete and make sure he got help. The counselor explained to my Mom and Dad about my struggle and need for Dad’s love.  He told them of my confusion about being gay. He told Dad that I needed his TIME, TOUCH, and TALK.
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Mom and Dad went to a counselor who helped them love each other. They even stopped fighting.. well at least most of the time. My counselor  and I met with uncle Pete. I told him how much he hurt me. He cried and asked me to forgive him. That helped me a lot.
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Now I realize that I am not gay. Spending time with my dad really helped my heart. All I needed was his time, touch and talk. Finally , I am happy at home.

I really don't know what to say. Is this creative? Innovative? Daring? Inappropriate? Or something else? You decide for yourself. I'm not commenting.

2012年1月25日星期三

New year's not-so-epic prayers

Running around town trying to get to 4 temples in one day is a but exhausting.

Like what I've always been saying, I personally am not sure whether to call whatsoever I am doing a religion or culture. Of course, most people who are not in this cultural-religious entity as I am, like many Christians and Atheist and people with no religion, will call all these affairs that I have been bothering myself with "idol worshipping" (I was taught a hard lesson in another time that atheist and people with no religion are two different, well, sets of beings, since a person who has no religion can still acknowledge the existence of god). I won't say that their own argument is ever justifiable since they are scrutinizing this cultural-religious entity of mine in their own view points, a view point that has ruled out the existence of this little entity of mine before any form of justification can be made. Ah, I won't continue on with all these or else I might get multiple arrows in multiple parts of my body. Anyway, my point is that I don't always go to these temples on a regular basis. It's more or less an annual stuff. And, unlike my father, I won't blame the deities or anything whenever I myself screws something up, but rather look at it in a more, lets say logical, manner. So it's really like meeting with a friend once a year, while neither depending on nor making use of him. Considering that, is that a religion, or is that a culture? I have no answer for myself, and please don't justify that for me.

That's right. It's that annual meet with those idoly deities today! Started this little marathon (not exactly marathon because it's mostly train rides) at around 2. Went to Wong Tai Shin Temple (I'll prefer a strictly English name if there is any, because somehow I still feel awkward typing these Chinese homophonic transcriptions) first. Nothing uncommon, just that there are a lot of people, and it's squeezy squashy with a mass of old folks. The thing is, Chinese people aren't tall to begin with, and the previous or previous two generations are even shorter. Considering that, when they didn't hold their incenses all that high, especially when they are only at my chest or chin level, the smoke from those burning incenses, with the help of a little Southbound wind, are like Nazis casting the blitz upon my eyes. Seriously, it stings.

After somewhat fifteen to twenty minutes of squeezy squashy, we (me plus dad) headed Northwards, to the temple of Che Kung. Alighted at Tai Wai, didn't follow police directions (screw them), and reached the temple without much trouble. My dad tried getting incense from stalls within the temple. For the typical 5-buck types: 40 bucks. That's robbery in daylight! So what we did was simply went out and get those 10 bucks a bundle incense. Ah, things are easy when you know how. Went back in, did our stuff, and guess what? Amid those similar squeezy squashy scenarios, some lady (nah, too young to be granny, 40's my guess) stepped on my tole with the heel of her high heels! asdfggrgjwoir022350-4u3wjrpw3..... My toe is still hurting now as I'm typing these very words ... It's new year, so forget it. And if you're wondering, no. I didn't touch any part of her body with any part of mine. I know. Don't ask me, but I know. She simply side stepped and I simply fell victim to that unpretentious accident. Anyway, more incenses, more smoke, cough cough, sting sting, ouch ouch, squeeze squeeze, I'm done, and I'm out. Nothing to do there.

So, after successfully obtaining the blessings of two temples (a couple of deities), in the cost of an ouch ouch toe (it's not exactly broken and I can still walk and run and climb stairs), we're off to the third pit stop, a temple in Shatin known as the Temple of Million Buddhas (Yes, finally a temple name that I can translate into English without using homophones! Take that!). One thing I should mention about this temple is that it's situated in the midst of some mountainous terrain, and there are more than a hundred flights of stairs (I don't have the energy to count) between any inhabited area of humanity and the temple in question. Another thing is, it's cold. It was around 8 degrees or so in Shatin? And I only had a not-so-thick-yet-not-particularly-thin hoodie, and a scarf which proved to be worthless. To add to that, before our ascend, it started drizzling. Not much, but enough to make your hair looks like you've just came out of the shower washing your head and have yet to blow your hair dry. Oh and one more thing, we don't have any umbrellas or raincoat, and my hoodie isn't waterproof. So what? Challenge accepted! Screw the umbrellas, screw the rain, I'm going up like a boss!! This is Spartaaaa-aaa-aa-a-a-a-a...!!! *cough* *cough* (imagine a couch potato running up a hundred flight of stairs... ) ... And the rain stopped once we reached the top. Damn.

Anyway, I left my dad behind to do his prayers and stuff in the temple (those divinity stuff that I'm not in particular found of). I still have to rush to the last temple, the temple that is meant for the young generation though I recall seeing only a bunch of mothers bringing their sons and daughters there for prayers. That's the Man Mo Temple in Sheung Wan, or, if I am to forcefully translate the name, it will be the Temple of Martial and Literature (sounds pretty cool though). That will mean I will have to get across the harbor to the other side of town. Hmm.... Anyway, after some flights of stairs (easy job now that I've conquered the harder one in a failed Spartan way...) I've reached the temple. Closed. Checked my phone. 6:03 pm. The temple closes at 6. Ah well, I'll be back again on another day. Maybe tomorrow.